My Tequila Thoughts

Thought I share with you guys my thoughts of this weekend. I wanted to connect these thoughts.. But they are better apart....

Thought I
It's so inappropriate to say I love you
But I love you, man
The way yu care to the way you come off as nonchalant
But I would be foolish to pursue this feeling that I have
Keep a secret like government with the truth about the people
Keep the walls up against one another
Like we're each others unequal
Opportunity for the unknown, love
How could this happen and I not aware
Seems pathetic and unfair
It's funny but i'm not laughing
frustration and alienation i'm suffering from
Knowing that She'll always come first and never will I complain
Cause no emotional attachment was ever to be claimed
Maybe i'm delusional.
You caring, nonchalantly could be an everyday thing
While I feel like I'm dying for your love
Cause it's so inappropriate
So my feelings I hold.
Before it gets too hectic
Just another story of a discrete hopeless romantic

Thought II & III
Tell me, you'll care when my clothes don't come off
Talk to me when I start to wonder about the unknown and not about the sex we could have
See me as I am, the real me. Not the newbie to your collection, an object
Kiss me cause you know I hate it, but shows I really love you
Open my mind up, open my heart up
You'll see the real her
I've been in love but nobody has fallen in love with the real me
Make up. No Cover Girl or Maybelline
Make up to hide my emotions and deepest things On mind.
Take my hand and not want to lay me down
But to walk in the park of
Love

Say I can trust you and yes, you'll mean it
Look into my eyes to see through the mask for the world.
Become curious in my psyche. Ask why I act the ways I do
Tell me, you don't understand cause you're being honest
But you accept and want to know more
Say the past is the past for a reason
So let's leave it behind us
The future is brighter, if I just open my eyes
Tell the spectators, we're giving in to love and have faith we'll make it
Pain is inevitable but never intentional
Hold my heart as of it was your own.
Don't want to kill what keeps you living

Final Thoughts
Show me love, show me fuckin love!
Yeah that's what Drake said. And babe you show it
Romantically? You could but it's deeper than such a word.
Something like a comfort zone extracted from me
the intensity of being different matches mine and at times goes beyond it.
Wonder why life brought us in such closeness with a distance between us, physically
Person I easily say, I love you to
cause it's meant and is always right to say
At the end of the day, you make my heart smile cause you're far from   anything I've seen i'm my everyday.  Stay the way you are, honey
Cause I'll always have you, close in mind

We became close because of pain, we had in common.
We have love where other shortchanged us.
Gave enough love to one another to give the want to love again
Usually when people are open and vulnerable as we were, they're prone to more pain
But us, we beat the odds
When others call us weird, nd we don't belong
We laugh and show each other we belong and are always wanted
Laid back as ever but filled with laughter, kindness and ultimately love
Took you to move to the bottom of the U.S. Map for us to become close as sisters
We can seem completely gay with pride
Doesn't matter, cause I love my wife
Cause sometime she's all i've had

Sideline Ho' 2 WifeyType

This is writing I did, back in June/July. Just how I went from being ok being the "other girl" to wanting more and knowing I deserve. And also my thoughts on the guys I indulge in these acts with.. For the longest it was same script, different cast. But now days. The cast and scripts have been remodeled and mad a lot. So enjoy my thoughts and emotions. Just might now your mind! ;-)


I'll never understand how he easily professes his love to one woman but lays in bed with another. Never understood how one day he's all in love, but the next all females are whores and sluts. I wonder how us, as people, do things that are so out of,character just for a moment of... Attention, I guess. If the love is so real, he wouldn't be in my bed, leaving behind little trinkets. Reminds oh so much of the man that makes up half of my DNA.. He loves to lay with multiple woman. Its his nature. But the way its done is wrong. Messed up a family. Fucked over all his daughters and isn't showing his son what a real man is. But selfishness was his best friend. Just like the man who has laid in my bed multiple nights. And always gets, under my skin when he begins to profess his love.. That love is bullshit! Funny thing is I dont object openly. Not my style. I hate the spotlight. I do much better in backstage. Which means, I see everything and can just watch. But still, I'm part of the show. And if it wasn't his show I was a part of it would still be the same script. Just different cast. So no, I don't fault him nor condemn him. If he knew better he would do better, right? He knows he doesn't want to share and will not put up with such treatmemt. But don't mind treating her as such. Guess she should be happy she is the main character in this play. Still she is shortchanged. And don't know what's going on. Does she have any clue? Us, as women are very intelligent, in all ways but emotionally. Which, makes me think she has no idea. Because I don't need emotion to get him erect nor to have a screaming orgasm. So it may all still be in the dark. Then I began to think, what will happen when she,finds out? I'll be auditioning for an entirely different play, by then. New script, new cast, new plot and storyline. After this production, I'll be done playing an extra and always in the,background. I think I've obtain enough expeiance to play a lifetime main chatacter. I've been apart of the crew, then a extra, then a small part, then an understudy. Now it's time for my debut as the main character and let a newbie understudy me. I won't mind. At least I'm aware of her presence and no secret is kept.

Hate Surfaced

This an older poem of mine. It was on my old blog... But it's something interesting to read. Hope you like....

A painful process we have truly become. But I can honestly say That this isn't fun All the love is gone. And now hate is surfacing Don't worry, I'll never tell all the pain you bring But hey! I brought a fair share too That had you up nights like days all sad &blue The problem is and was It remains the same Can't be as one if we're in two different lanes So I won't twist and pull your arm, no more For, it wasn't a healthy successful destiny you were looking for What you wanted was superficial While I was deeper than our issues Issues that we, together faced daily Still, I was proud to say you were my baby But hate surfaced Once the lies exited your lips and finger tips You ripped my heart out and shredded it Once the truth finally surfaced... Opened myself up wider than the ocean, blue Vulnerable like a newborn without protection to block illnesses Trusting that all will go well and if any pain felt Wouldn't bring bloodshed and dried up tear stains But wishful thinking had my mind too insane That reality and I lost touch Like long distanced cousins But once thee big bang even arrived Reality & I Were back, tight! And I was crying about the lies, turning into the truth And the masked face unveiled Thought was a masterpiece was actually a knock off piece And hate starts to surface... Still love puts up a darn good fight But one gives up by the end of the night Hate overcomes and is the moodset between the two used to be best lovers How dare could this happen? All because lies were stacking on an unsteady foundation Waiting to bend All it needed was God to send the winds It broke and truth revealed How ugly and messed up it truly is Hate surfaced and won again Cause it wasn't true love we were even in Caught up in a fantasy trying to become true Couldn't work that way because it wasn't ever just Me & you And that's what pained the heart That it was over before it could even start All it took was.... Hate to surface