We Got The Beach.

This is a short and sweet piece I did for a new romance. Very in depth, just depends on how deep your mind can go without assistance. Hope you all like it. Something different. No more mistress tales nd wild sex storied for right now. Cause I don't want to see the world, when we got the beach. :-) Come out that shell cause you're the one I'm longing for. Your past ex, we'll leave that at the shore. Let's go deep into the ocean blue and explore the world we'll make for two. I'll play homemaker of the home you're building. So don't leave me lost at sea cause you just want to wander. And I won't leave you to ride the waves alone when they're obviously made for two. Daily stresses that this world throws are only coming to our chins. We can always stay above the rim. Longevity is what we're built for. But what's greatness when only one notices it? Is this something special or my wishful thinking working with effort? Communication cut off, can your heart make the call? Two world afar, will the distance tear this apart? Was taught anything is possible, but I don't live in nothing but reality. So what can be done, really? Patience is there enough in us to stay in one piece? Or do we set for sea in different directions? Is this love found like X marks the spot or is this just another love lost? Questions being asked that time reveals like curtains on each door. I can walk through any of them, if I'm secured in your words. Words that actions follow afterwards. I can paint a vivid picture for a souvenir. But rather it be a centrepiece for us to keep near. As our lives evolve into one. Both young at heart but minds nd souls of old age, still so much to experiance. Have to make the best move for our next move. Is that together or walking apart? Don't want to get lost in the thrill of it all. And can't find our way to each others heart. Let it ride like that old school Caddy. So come out that shell if you want to. Cause I'll always hold your hand, gladly.

Stuck in Idle with Pain

I'm all about growth and broadening horizons
    While you gain a feeling of being content while being in
      idle.
    Respect is the key to making it far
    Guess that explains after a year and a half, no distance was made at all
     Reasoning, was never explained
    While predictions were much too accurate
    Knowing my heart would be paying the price for the misuse of my skills, love, and affection
   Tears fall, while insults are stated, and my love is ignored
    I'm growing irritated
    So I create a mirage of lustful thoughts and acts to get quick responses, considering that's all you ever want
    Show me a mirage of affection and passion
    Because that's all I'm yearning for
    But your true emotion of affection is only shown when she's laying peacefully in your bed, sleep
    Sleep, she must be to the double life, you lead
    While I'm screaming and crying myself to sleep
   Feel stupid for falling for you this deep.
    And still we got no where
    My eyes must have been wide shut!
   Being able to laugh at my own pain keeps my heart from being totally crushed
    Which is why I've stayed around just to get hurt
    But pain becomes superficial when you aren't going anywhere
    Addiction to that pain is apparent
    Cause nothing is changing and I can see your next action before they are thought of
    I'll stop you this time, I'm growing bored
    And frustration is an understatement
You won't hear my feet hit the pavement
As I'm walking away
This is a mental and heartfelt abandonment      
So don't go looking for me, just enjoy that angel that doesn't knows your devious ways
But you seem to be able to show real love and grow some new ways with
      So no explanation is needed for my departure
      And no permission is being asked for
      We won't grow, so I'm letting go
      Can't keep pain current, if It's never evolving.
      Saying good bye to the broken record
I've become addicted to the sound
       And grew to love so much, while yu stuck in idle just gave you a rush

March Madness of Thoughts

What am I.suppose to feel? And what isn't appropriate?
We talk about it all. But still, you can't say you know me
I can say that I've been the best at what we've become
I'll lay down temporarily just to accept what is given and hope it helps with anything I need help with
I'll get up and go on with my day. Don't get too far and realize,
Things are just worse, now
But no.fault of yours
You aren't my keeper and my emotional distress is no concern of yours
I've become immune to pain and now using it to know that life that is being lived is real
Take a stab at the good girl, I hide
Want to see if she's strong enough
But no! She SCREAMS from the tortuous pain that shot to.her heart like 9 mm bullet
Tears, they fall down my eyes
But I'm ok
She's the one dying from my.selfish acts of lust and fornication
I can only.console her and convince her that everything is going to be ok
She just keeps crying and crying
And I'm stuck dumbfounded
Until I'm put in her shoes and those indirect stabs are for me, personally
How dare I let you do this to me?
Cut me nd bleed out until I can't bleed no more
But I rather you kill me slowly, put up with mistreatment nd constant disrespect
Before I open my mouth and say, no! Stop hurting me, I'm not a robot. I have feelings, that you are killing, softly
Cause you just won't understand.
No one ever understood
And now, they're all gone
Just like you're leaving now. Well just go
I deserve to live a little longer.

Another Thought...... Depression was beating my door down. And finally, I answered. Days went by slow and tears kept rolling down My Face. Where were my friends? Nobody saw the dark shadow called no love hovering over me. Everybody thought all was well. I was dying and losing a special part of me. What was left of my innocence was dying and cry from being malnourished. My good inner self was screaming and piercing my ears inside out. So here's the story.

Lay down just to get up with no emotions. And if some ever come into.existance, better off just pressing ignore on the incoming. Look for comfort in his stroke and settle for the time spent as intimacy. Don't ask for too much
You just came to fuck
Begin to fall? Better to trip up then to fall flat on your beautifulness he never notices.
Deep emotions, save them to throw away with the dissatisfaction that's growing like fungus on such an aging piece.
So throw it all away
The thrill is gone
He just isn't interested in this aging wine.
Cause man oh man, its gotten better with time.
He just can't handle the full effect of what's so EverClear
So let's drink Champagne and Merlot. Those we keep near
Easy to drink and the drunkenness not so harsh.
Pull out before you put your heart in it
While for me, It's never just about the obvious.
Say you know everything. Actually you couldn't know less
See you more than just to lay with
But the other obvious allows that to never be shown
Anger, he'll accept it
Guess that's expected when playing tic for tac
But anger isn't the truth.
More like pain and being ignored is more what is in use.
Encounters that can not grow, that's what we engage in
Tears fall, the pain has hit the surface and is spilling over our horizon
Can't keep laying and holding back what I should feel
Cause in this scenario, it just isn't seemed as real
But it's what should happen, when done right
Keep taking stabs at my innocence
Saying I won't need it, its useless
Just enjoy this orgasm and let go when he's done screwing
So why keep going back if It's so unhealthy?
Nonverbal obligation, has been established
But sorry, I'm looking into a early termination
Isn't like you care or even desire to care
In my decision
So I should walk away
And just forget about the greatness I discovered
Isn't worth much when you don't see the same in me
I was just meant for you to.lay with........

And a letter to.....
Love games.... Never been good at playing them. I rather sex you and move along. Don't feel you're worth my emotions and this vibe isn't strong enough to build an attachment off of.... I begin to fall. Conversations lasting all day. But you see potential in this other chick who I know isn't about shit. But I've built this wall between us so that feelings can't be shared. Hate how you hold on to your ex and how you allow her to hurt you. Saying love is worth it. I'm thinking, I know I can love you deeper and more genuine. But I wasn't suppose to ever feel like this. And I'm suppose to be one of the smart ones and not be in a relationship. Cause I know your fuck ups. Never really bothered. Bothers more cause I know I set something up that can't be turned into a building stone to a happy future. We've argued and threaten to leave each other alone. But you end up stroking me deep and I end up with my face in your lap. You showed interest to get in my head. And you know when I'll agree to it all cause I love how you stimulate.my mental. And I'm agreeing to being your.. slut. Knew it wasn't nothing good to accept. Still I didn't care. Drank that poison to.take whatever you had ready for me like a woman. But I ended up with just you. Relieved. But I'm wondering why things happen like they do. Maybe you werent trying to kill the good girl in me. Just wanting to test the waters. Cause at the end of the day, you aren't heartless and you will only go so.far with me. Think you've gone attached to the woman I've become. But you'll never admit. Cause that's not what its suppose to be. Keep it platonic. Cause I appreciate our friendship. For what the fucked up mess it is. So we don't play love games. We Juss have friendly mind games. Much deeper but easier to let go of. Save the love for the one you suppose you should truly love. I wouldnt know what to do.with the love you give. So save it. I like to see you happy with another.
Part II
Know the real me is to love me. And I guess you never fell for me. Because I was always weird in your eyes. In need of a therapist. And just plain crazy. But the sex we once had was crazy and mind blowing. But I found interest in what wasn't in the bedroom... Guess you didn't follow along. Don't blame you, though. I'm holding on to you because you're my constans at this time in my life. Thinks that's why I'm stuck. These feelings are genuine, they just are there because no one else is attempting to.hold my attention. And I gravitate to.you ever oh so easily. But this interaction between us is so unhealthy and breaks me.down. so I need to break away. I can.handle.the.conversation. but to lay with you is to allow you to kill me. And you have no idea. But its so hard to lay down time and time again and no emotions are being shown or evolving. So I began to become sad and cry. Cause I'm.not understanding how we can have great conversation that I can't get enough and engage in sex that'll never be as good as the beginning and we just fade further apart. I wish we could have been just friends. The sex wasn't worth such a great potential lifetime friendship. And that wouldn't have to evolve into much.more but a stronger. But we went backwards. And now I'm done loving backwards. Hoping you accept and.continue being a great person to converse with. But I'm already noticing changes in our interaction. But I can't say much. Cause then I'll sound like side chick who wants to be the main. Nope.not I. Just want my friend back .you can have the rest of the nonsense.

My Tequila Thoughts

Thought I share with you guys my thoughts of this weekend. I wanted to connect these thoughts.. But they are better apart....

Thought I
It's so inappropriate to say I love you
But I love you, man
The way yu care to the way you come off as nonchalant
But I would be foolish to pursue this feeling that I have
Keep a secret like government with the truth about the people
Keep the walls up against one another
Like we're each others unequal
Opportunity for the unknown, love
How could this happen and I not aware
Seems pathetic and unfair
It's funny but i'm not laughing
frustration and alienation i'm suffering from
Knowing that She'll always come first and never will I complain
Cause no emotional attachment was ever to be claimed
Maybe i'm delusional.
You caring, nonchalantly could be an everyday thing
While I feel like I'm dying for your love
Cause it's so inappropriate
So my feelings I hold.
Before it gets too hectic
Just another story of a discrete hopeless romantic

Thought II & III
Tell me, you'll care when my clothes don't come off
Talk to me when I start to wonder about the unknown and not about the sex we could have
See me as I am, the real me. Not the newbie to your collection, an object
Kiss me cause you know I hate it, but shows I really love you
Open my mind up, open my heart up
You'll see the real her
I've been in love but nobody has fallen in love with the real me
Make up. No Cover Girl or Maybelline
Make up to hide my emotions and deepest things On mind.
Take my hand and not want to lay me down
But to walk in the park of
Love

Say I can trust you and yes, you'll mean it
Look into my eyes to see through the mask for the world.
Become curious in my psyche. Ask why I act the ways I do
Tell me, you don't understand cause you're being honest
But you accept and want to know more
Say the past is the past for a reason
So let's leave it behind us
The future is brighter, if I just open my eyes
Tell the spectators, we're giving in to love and have faith we'll make it
Pain is inevitable but never intentional
Hold my heart as of it was your own.
Don't want to kill what keeps you living

Final Thoughts
Show me love, show me fuckin love!
Yeah that's what Drake said. And babe you show it
Romantically? You could but it's deeper than such a word.
Something like a comfort zone extracted from me
the intensity of being different matches mine and at times goes beyond it.
Wonder why life brought us in such closeness with a distance between us, physically
Person I easily say, I love you to
cause it's meant and is always right to say
At the end of the day, you make my heart smile cause you're far from   anything I've seen i'm my everyday.  Stay the way you are, honey
Cause I'll always have you, close in mind

We became close because of pain, we had in common.
We have love where other shortchanged us.
Gave enough love to one another to give the want to love again
Usually when people are open and vulnerable as we were, they're prone to more pain
But us, we beat the odds
When others call us weird, nd we don't belong
We laugh and show each other we belong and are always wanted
Laid back as ever but filled with laughter, kindness and ultimately love
Took you to move to the bottom of the U.S. Map for us to become close as sisters
We can seem completely gay with pride
Doesn't matter, cause I love my wife
Cause sometime she's all i've had

Sideline Ho' 2 WifeyType

This is writing I did, back in June/July. Just how I went from being ok being the "other girl" to wanting more and knowing I deserve. And also my thoughts on the guys I indulge in these acts with.. For the longest it was same script, different cast. But now days. The cast and scripts have been remodeled and mad a lot. So enjoy my thoughts and emotions. Just might now your mind! ;-)


I'll never understand how he easily professes his love to one woman but lays in bed with another. Never understood how one day he's all in love, but the next all females are whores and sluts. I wonder how us, as people, do things that are so out of,character just for a moment of... Attention, I guess. If the love is so real, he wouldn't be in my bed, leaving behind little trinkets. Reminds oh so much of the man that makes up half of my DNA.. He loves to lay with multiple woman. Its his nature. But the way its done is wrong. Messed up a family. Fucked over all his daughters and isn't showing his son what a real man is. But selfishness was his best friend. Just like the man who has laid in my bed multiple nights. And always gets, under my skin when he begins to profess his love.. That love is bullshit! Funny thing is I dont object openly. Not my style. I hate the spotlight. I do much better in backstage. Which means, I see everything and can just watch. But still, I'm part of the show. And if it wasn't his show I was a part of it would still be the same script. Just different cast. So no, I don't fault him nor condemn him. If he knew better he would do better, right? He knows he doesn't want to share and will not put up with such treatmemt. But don't mind treating her as such. Guess she should be happy she is the main character in this play. Still she is shortchanged. And don't know what's going on. Does she have any clue? Us, as women are very intelligent, in all ways but emotionally. Which, makes me think she has no idea. Because I don't need emotion to get him erect nor to have a screaming orgasm. So it may all still be in the dark. Then I began to think, what will happen when she,finds out? I'll be auditioning for an entirely different play, by then. New script, new cast, new plot and storyline. After this production, I'll be done playing an extra and always in the,background. I think I've obtain enough expeiance to play a lifetime main chatacter. I've been apart of the crew, then a extra, then a small part, then an understudy. Now it's time for my debut as the main character and let a newbie understudy me. I won't mind. At least I'm aware of her presence and no secret is kept.

Hate Surfaced

This an older poem of mine. It was on my old blog... But it's something interesting to read. Hope you like....

A painful process we have truly become. But I can honestly say That this isn't fun All the love is gone. And now hate is surfacing Don't worry, I'll never tell all the pain you bring But hey! I brought a fair share too That had you up nights like days all sad &blue The problem is and was It remains the same Can't be as one if we're in two different lanes So I won't twist and pull your arm, no more For, it wasn't a healthy successful destiny you were looking for What you wanted was superficial While I was deeper than our issues Issues that we, together faced daily Still, I was proud to say you were my baby But hate surfaced Once the lies exited your lips and finger tips You ripped my heart out and shredded it Once the truth finally surfaced... Opened myself up wider than the ocean, blue Vulnerable like a newborn without protection to block illnesses Trusting that all will go well and if any pain felt Wouldn't bring bloodshed and dried up tear stains But wishful thinking had my mind too insane That reality and I lost touch Like long distanced cousins But once thee big bang even arrived Reality & I Were back, tight! And I was crying about the lies, turning into the truth And the masked face unveiled Thought was a masterpiece was actually a knock off piece And hate starts to surface... Still love puts up a darn good fight But one gives up by the end of the night Hate overcomes and is the moodset between the two used to be best lovers How dare could this happen? All because lies were stacking on an unsteady foundation Waiting to bend All it needed was God to send the winds It broke and truth revealed How ugly and messed up it truly is Hate surfaced and won again Cause it wasn't true love we were even in Caught up in a fantasy trying to become true Couldn't work that way because it wasn't ever just Me & you And that's what pained the heart That it was over before it could even start All it took was.... Hate to surface