We Got The Beach.

This is a short and sweet piece I did for a new romance. Very in depth, just depends on how deep your mind can go without assistance. Hope you all like it. Something different. No more mistress tales nd wild sex storied for right now. Cause I don't want to see the world, when we got the beach. :-) Come out that shell cause you're the one I'm longing for. Your past ex, we'll leave that at the shore. Let's go deep into the ocean blue and explore the world we'll make for two. I'll play homemaker of the home you're building. So don't leave me lost at sea cause you just want to wander. And I won't leave you to ride the waves alone when they're obviously made for two. Daily stresses that this world throws are only coming to our chins. We can always stay above the rim. Longevity is what we're built for. But what's greatness when only one notices it? Is this something special or my wishful thinking working with effort? Communication cut off, can your heart make the call? Two world afar, will the distance tear this apart? Was taught anything is possible, but I don't live in nothing but reality. So what can be done, really? Patience is there enough in us to stay in one piece? Or do we set for sea in different directions? Is this love found like X marks the spot or is this just another love lost? Questions being asked that time reveals like curtains on each door. I can walk through any of them, if I'm secured in your words. Words that actions follow afterwards. I can paint a vivid picture for a souvenir. But rather it be a centrepiece for us to keep near. As our lives evolve into one. Both young at heart but minds nd souls of old age, still so much to experiance. Have to make the best move for our next move. Is that together or walking apart? Don't want to get lost in the thrill of it all. And can't find our way to each others heart. Let it ride like that old school Caddy. So come out that shell if you want to. Cause I'll always hold your hand, gladly.

Sex With My Writer's Thoughts

Let me know when you want to do this again 
     And I'll make sure it happens 
    The trips to euphoria with you always are well worth it.... 
   
      Demand my mouth to go down and get to work 
    And I can't help but to get excited 
    Take control, dominate me 
     I orally please you better than any other female from your past
     And the present is unnecessary to bring up 
    Force feed me while you get harder and harder 
    The moans that exit your lips are my fuel to keep going 
    While I'm controlling you how she wish she could....
    Now you demand me to lay down for next step to sexual nirvana 
    As your muscular body hovers over me, anticipation becomes an understatement
    As you slowly enter me, I can't help but gasp from your
 thickness opening my tightness 
    You slowly short stroke to get my pool of wetness stirring 
    All of sudden no mercy is given and my body you work on to get me to my first climax!
    SCREEEEAM! 
    Yes I love when my legs begin to shake and each stroke is just sending me closer to kissing the sky
    And you ask me, "Who's pussy is this?!"
     I can't help but to succumb to your stroke and authority over my whole body
    I let a loud moan out and say,
    "It's your, daddy!" 
    "I can do whatever I want with my pussy, right?" 
     Right then I know this has become more than a simple sexual
      encounter but a future arrangement to maximize your fantasies
      into reality. 
    You hit my spot as your strong hands grip my neck and I'm
      cummin again!
    Fuck, you take advantage of the situation so well. 
    I can't help but agree.
    You read my body just right to please me correctly
    Right now, you're the boss. 
    Just keep me cummin hard. 
    You ask me, "you're daddy's slut, right?!" As you grip my hips and give me your all in back shots. 
    Only making me arch my back more to receive the full force that sends me straight to euphoria.
    All the while my voice of reason is screaming, No! Stop attempting to exploit such a great treasure
    But my mouth scream,
    "YES! JUST DON'T STOP!" 
    And right when I can't cum anymore, yu ask, "where you want daddy to cum at?!" 
    When you know it never matters to me, so rhetorical of you. 
    But preferably my mouth to get rid of anymore evidence
    Still, you keep stroking and don't stop.
I can feel you getting harder and harder against my walls
The simultaneous feeling of pain and pleasure becomes overwhelming
We end up cummin together.  
With you still inside of me.....

Exactly the moment you withdraw from inside of me 
I snap back into reality!
Into the world I live minus you
You leave the room, I get dressed alone
Left to just think of what just happened 
Leave me feeling hollow and used, as always 
No ending conversation, no greetings out the door, no affection
Cause once it's over, life goes back to normal on our seperate roads
You still in love with her
And me living single but conquered by a true lover of another woman
Why do I answer and concur when ask to come over
It's just suppose to be sex, so we say
But we know there's more, just refuse to indulge into
The sex is intense enough for the both of us. 

Stuck in Idle with Pain

I'm all about growth and broadening horizons
    While you gain a feeling of being content while being in
      idle.
    Respect is the key to making it far
    Guess that explains after a year and a half, no distance was made at all
     Reasoning, was never explained
    While predictions were much too accurate
    Knowing my heart would be paying the price for the misuse of my skills, love, and affection
   Tears fall, while insults are stated, and my love is ignored
    I'm growing irritated
    So I create a mirage of lustful thoughts and acts to get quick responses, considering that's all you ever want
    Show me a mirage of affection and passion
    Because that's all I'm yearning for
    But your true emotion of affection is only shown when she's laying peacefully in your bed, sleep
    Sleep, she must be to the double life, you lead
    While I'm screaming and crying myself to sleep
   Feel stupid for falling for you this deep.
    And still we got no where
    My eyes must have been wide shut!
   Being able to laugh at my own pain keeps my heart from being totally crushed
    Which is why I've stayed around just to get hurt
    But pain becomes superficial when you aren't going anywhere
    Addiction to that pain is apparent
    Cause nothing is changing and I can see your next action before they are thought of
    I'll stop you this time, I'm growing bored
    And frustration is an understatement
You won't hear my feet hit the pavement
As I'm walking away
This is a mental and heartfelt abandonment      
So don't go looking for me, just enjoy that angel that doesn't knows your devious ways
But you seem to be able to show real love and grow some new ways with
      So no explanation is needed for my departure
      And no permission is being asked for
      We won't grow, so I'm letting go
      Can't keep pain current, if It's never evolving.
      Saying good bye to the broken record
I've become addicted to the sound
       And grew to love so much, while yu stuck in idle just gave you a rush

Unfinished Thoughts of Mine

These are two pieces that are unfinished. I figured I would post something since I havent in MONTHS! Sorry, guys. I've just been feeling like I'm telling too much. But I guess that's the thrill of being a writer, right? Don't th ink I ever stopped writing. I've been writing, just not on here. Welp... enjoy! :-)

Up and down
Just stop already, Geesh!
But it's so fun when the timing is right
Others, it's just a nuisance
I want out, most of the time
Until I miss the interaction with himwhy does he have to be so disrespectful?
Why does he have to be a cheater?
And why do I agree to always help?
It's suppose to be just sex....

They ask me what do I think never really ask what do I feel.
Ask me what I need or want.
But my deepest desires seem unfathomable
But really all I want from a male is love for my mind and heart and nourishes my spirituality
Sex, it is a simple activity with possible big results
I'm a pro at it. It doesn't take much thought to have good sex.
So why is it in everybody's mind?
What about good, intelligent conversation?
What about emotions and pure thoughts of the person that is being admired?

March Madness of Thoughts

What am I.suppose to feel? And what isn't appropriate?
We talk about it all. But still, you can't say you know me
I can say that I've been the best at what we've become
I'll lay down temporarily just to accept what is given and hope it helps with anything I need help with
I'll get up and go on with my day. Don't get too far and realize,
Things are just worse, now
But no.fault of yours
You aren't my keeper and my emotional distress is no concern of yours
I've become immune to pain and now using it to know that life that is being lived is real
Take a stab at the good girl, I hide
Want to see if she's strong enough
But no! She SCREAMS from the tortuous pain that shot to.her heart like 9 mm bullet
Tears, they fall down my eyes
But I'm ok
She's the one dying from my.selfish acts of lust and fornication
I can only.console her and convince her that everything is going to be ok
She just keeps crying and crying
And I'm stuck dumbfounded
Until I'm put in her shoes and those indirect stabs are for me, personally
How dare I let you do this to me?
Cut me nd bleed out until I can't bleed no more
But I rather you kill me slowly, put up with mistreatment nd constant disrespect
Before I open my mouth and say, no! Stop hurting me, I'm not a robot. I have feelings, that you are killing, softly
Cause you just won't understand.
No one ever understood
And now, they're all gone
Just like you're leaving now. Well just go
I deserve to live a little longer.

Another Thought...... Depression was beating my door down. And finally, I answered. Days went by slow and tears kept rolling down My Face. Where were my friends? Nobody saw the dark shadow called no love hovering over me. Everybody thought all was well. I was dying and losing a special part of me. What was left of my innocence was dying and cry from being malnourished. My good inner self was screaming and piercing my ears inside out. So here's the story.

Lay down just to get up with no emotions. And if some ever come into.existance, better off just pressing ignore on the incoming. Look for comfort in his stroke and settle for the time spent as intimacy. Don't ask for too much
You just came to fuck
Begin to fall? Better to trip up then to fall flat on your beautifulness he never notices.
Deep emotions, save them to throw away with the dissatisfaction that's growing like fungus on such an aging piece.
So throw it all away
The thrill is gone
He just isn't interested in this aging wine.
Cause man oh man, its gotten better with time.
He just can't handle the full effect of what's so EverClear
So let's drink Champagne and Merlot. Those we keep near
Easy to drink and the drunkenness not so harsh.
Pull out before you put your heart in it
While for me, It's never just about the obvious.
Say you know everything. Actually you couldn't know less
See you more than just to lay with
But the other obvious allows that to never be shown
Anger, he'll accept it
Guess that's expected when playing tic for tac
But anger isn't the truth.
More like pain and being ignored is more what is in use.
Encounters that can not grow, that's what we engage in
Tears fall, the pain has hit the surface and is spilling over our horizon
Can't keep laying and holding back what I should feel
Cause in this scenario, it just isn't seemed as real
But it's what should happen, when done right
Keep taking stabs at my innocence
Saying I won't need it, its useless
Just enjoy this orgasm and let go when he's done screwing
So why keep going back if It's so unhealthy?
Nonverbal obligation, has been established
But sorry, I'm looking into a early termination
Isn't like you care or even desire to care
In my decision
So I should walk away
And just forget about the greatness I discovered
Isn't worth much when you don't see the same in me
I was just meant for you to.lay with........

And a letter to.....
Love games.... Never been good at playing them. I rather sex you and move along. Don't feel you're worth my emotions and this vibe isn't strong enough to build an attachment off of.... I begin to fall. Conversations lasting all day. But you see potential in this other chick who I know isn't about shit. But I've built this wall between us so that feelings can't be shared. Hate how you hold on to your ex and how you allow her to hurt you. Saying love is worth it. I'm thinking, I know I can love you deeper and more genuine. But I wasn't suppose to ever feel like this. And I'm suppose to be one of the smart ones and not be in a relationship. Cause I know your fuck ups. Never really bothered. Bothers more cause I know I set something up that can't be turned into a building stone to a happy future. We've argued and threaten to leave each other alone. But you end up stroking me deep and I end up with my face in your lap. You showed interest to get in my head. And you know when I'll agree to it all cause I love how you stimulate.my mental. And I'm agreeing to being your.. slut. Knew it wasn't nothing good to accept. Still I didn't care. Drank that poison to.take whatever you had ready for me like a woman. But I ended up with just you. Relieved. But I'm wondering why things happen like they do. Maybe you werent trying to kill the good girl in me. Just wanting to test the waters. Cause at the end of the day, you aren't heartless and you will only go so.far with me. Think you've gone attached to the woman I've become. But you'll never admit. Cause that's not what its suppose to be. Keep it platonic. Cause I appreciate our friendship. For what the fucked up mess it is. So we don't play love games. We Juss have friendly mind games. Much deeper but easier to let go of. Save the love for the one you suppose you should truly love. I wouldnt know what to do.with the love you give. So save it. I like to see you happy with another.
Part II
Know the real me is to love me. And I guess you never fell for me. Because I was always weird in your eyes. In need of a therapist. And just plain crazy. But the sex we once had was crazy and mind blowing. But I found interest in what wasn't in the bedroom... Guess you didn't follow along. Don't blame you, though. I'm holding on to you because you're my constans at this time in my life. Thinks that's why I'm stuck. These feelings are genuine, they just are there because no one else is attempting to.hold my attention. And I gravitate to.you ever oh so easily. But this interaction between us is so unhealthy and breaks me.down. so I need to break away. I can.handle.the.conversation. but to lay with you is to allow you to kill me. And you have no idea. But its so hard to lay down time and time again and no emotions are being shown or evolving. So I began to become sad and cry. Cause I'm.not understanding how we can have great conversation that I can't get enough and engage in sex that'll never be as good as the beginning and we just fade further apart. I wish we could have been just friends. The sex wasn't worth such a great potential lifetime friendship. And that wouldn't have to evolve into much.more but a stronger. But we went backwards. And now I'm done loving backwards. Hoping you accept and.continue being a great person to converse with. But I'm already noticing changes in our interaction. But I can't say much. Cause then I'll sound like side chick who wants to be the main. Nope.not I. Just want my friend back .you can have the rest of the nonsense.

My Tequila Thoughts

Thought I share with you guys my thoughts of this weekend. I wanted to connect these thoughts.. But they are better apart....

Thought I
It's so inappropriate to say I love you
But I love you, man
The way yu care to the way you come off as nonchalant
But I would be foolish to pursue this feeling that I have
Keep a secret like government with the truth about the people
Keep the walls up against one another
Like we're each others unequal
Opportunity for the unknown, love
How could this happen and I not aware
Seems pathetic and unfair
It's funny but i'm not laughing
frustration and alienation i'm suffering from
Knowing that She'll always come first and never will I complain
Cause no emotional attachment was ever to be claimed
Maybe i'm delusional.
You caring, nonchalantly could be an everyday thing
While I feel like I'm dying for your love
Cause it's so inappropriate
So my feelings I hold.
Before it gets too hectic
Just another story of a discrete hopeless romantic

Thought II & III
Tell me, you'll care when my clothes don't come off
Talk to me when I start to wonder about the unknown and not about the sex we could have
See me as I am, the real me. Not the newbie to your collection, an object
Kiss me cause you know I hate it, but shows I really love you
Open my mind up, open my heart up
You'll see the real her
I've been in love but nobody has fallen in love with the real me
Make up. No Cover Girl or Maybelline
Make up to hide my emotions and deepest things On mind.
Take my hand and not want to lay me down
But to walk in the park of
Love

Say I can trust you and yes, you'll mean it
Look into my eyes to see through the mask for the world.
Become curious in my psyche. Ask why I act the ways I do
Tell me, you don't understand cause you're being honest
But you accept and want to know more
Say the past is the past for a reason
So let's leave it behind us
The future is brighter, if I just open my eyes
Tell the spectators, we're giving in to love and have faith we'll make it
Pain is inevitable but never intentional
Hold my heart as of it was your own.
Don't want to kill what keeps you living

Final Thoughts
Show me love, show me fuckin love!
Yeah that's what Drake said. And babe you show it
Romantically? You could but it's deeper than such a word.
Something like a comfort zone extracted from me
the intensity of being different matches mine and at times goes beyond it.
Wonder why life brought us in such closeness with a distance between us, physically
Person I easily say, I love you to
cause it's meant and is always right to say
At the end of the day, you make my heart smile cause you're far from   anything I've seen i'm my everyday.  Stay the way you are, honey
Cause I'll always have you, close in mind

We became close because of pain, we had in common.
We have love where other shortchanged us.
Gave enough love to one another to give the want to love again
Usually when people are open and vulnerable as we were, they're prone to more pain
But us, we beat the odds
When others call us weird, nd we don't belong
We laugh and show each other we belong and are always wanted
Laid back as ever but filled with laughter, kindness and ultimately love
Took you to move to the bottom of the U.S. Map for us to become close as sisters
We can seem completely gay with pride
Doesn't matter, cause I love my wife
Cause sometime she's all i've had

Lazy lover to wanting to be loved

Being a woman of multiple personalities  is a true adventure. And this is nothing but another episode of wanting love but I don't want to be loved all at the same time. One side will be completely at ease while the other side, Shareena,is about to die from being deprived of love and affection. Its a true battle. So when love is given, my other side, Reena B., will begin the self sabotage because love is overwhelming and suffocating. So jusy read to gain better understanding. Enjoy!

Lazy lover, I am one. Not in the sense of in the bedroom. But in every other way. I don't want your trust, loyalty, or to even try to understand me. Just lay down with me and work me out like a that new workout plan. Don't ask if anyone has laid here, cause honey it's not about monogamy. Trust enough to know I wouldn't jeopardize our health but give a less care who other than you I give my attention to. I don't want commitment or you in my corner when everybody else has ran away from me. You try to attach yourself to me, I'll only disappoint you. My heart isn't in this. So yes i'm a, lazy lover. To take the time to truly get to know you, communicate with you, build a bond with you will only be done in vain. Cause I don't have the energy to build something strong and everlasting. I'll give up on you and won't tell you i'm moving on to my next victim until you become a nuisance. Just let it go. Save your time and hard work on some young lady who really wants it. Me, naw I don't want any piece of it. People pay for the bare minimum. Which is sex. You can pay for that. but trust, understanding, communication, and true love, can't buy those things. They're priceless and are the solid building blocks to a great relationship. But they also take good hard work to maintain. Hard work and energy I don't have to give. It's easier to lay with you and open up physically then to lay with you and open up mentally.

Feel like with some people I can't win. Cause I care way too much! It sucks.. Iverson (sexual)... LiteBrite (emotional)... Brian (intellectual))... Smdh! Can't be happy with him, but I love their company, alllll for different reasons. Poison of choice, I can take my pick... But really i'm tired of all this. Ready for a real relationship and affection. Someone to get to know to love Me. So u can let go of this males I've associated myself with, secretly nd publicly. They all mistreat me nd I become comfortable nd complacent with It... Ughhh I hate it!!!! But they don't know this. Because part of me is afraid to let go of these epitome of bad boys. None of them are the one! Nd i'm too young to break apart... Nd i'm too young to be lied to! Time to make room for a real man, whether that's William or not. Only time will tell nd I refuse to fall before I know i'm safe. I'm juss tired. You try to give any of them a inch nd surely they'll take a mile without me even consenting. Nd I say hey its ok this time but not again until they are walking over me again. Hmph! I'm sick of this! Time to turn a new leaf. I don't want to. But uhhh I need to! Smdh! Nd they don't even know. None of them Can say they really know me. Ugh! And they don't even care to really get to know me. To know me is to love me. But these aren't the guys I look for love in. They just keep me in the mind of being a lazy lover, and never having to give my all. I begin to become ok with that until my yearn for the real thing is overwhelming. And then, I break down. And none of them ever know.....